we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize