I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
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I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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