we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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