You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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