My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize