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drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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