after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize