When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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