I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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