You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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