Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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