So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize