You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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