Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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