remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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