I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize