i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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