Old men and throwing up are my life now.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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