omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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