I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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