I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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