I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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