It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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