Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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