Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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