Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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