so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
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He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
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He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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