come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
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Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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