the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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