Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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