I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is Oprah even human
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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