Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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