Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize