hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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