I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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