You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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