You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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