when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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