Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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