70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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