i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I came so hard my ears popped.
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