There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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