Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize