i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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