I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize