God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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