If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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