I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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