I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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