she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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